Women love romance movies. We all want someone who’s willing to sacrifice for us and win our hearts. We want a love that lasts forever. A love where you still hold hands when you’re 90 years old. Ask any girl their top 5 movies and The Notebook is bound to make the list. Ask a guy that same question and they’ll probably mention Braveheart or Gladiator. Men love challenges and thrive in situations that test their courage, bravery, and strength.
Christian women also love faith-based romance movies. We want someone who not only wants to win our heart but also wants to do it while chasing God with us.
Why is it that women can watch movies like The Notebook over and over again? Perhaps it’s because, in our world of hookup apps, ghosting, and
There is a great book, “The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance” based on a faith-based romance movie, Old Fashioned,that gives 40 days of reflections and inspiring readings that could help bring true romance back into dating.
Since we’re still in the month of love, and Lent is around the corner, I wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes and reflections from the book to hopefully inspire others to take on the 40-day journey and look at dating from a different perspective.
Let’s look at how we can reclaim romance as Christians by going back to old-fashioned values and ways of thinking.
Be different. Have standards.
As a Christian living in today’s hookup culture, it can sometimes feel hopeless when you’re looking for a relationship that could lead to a lifelong marriage.
If you’ve chosen to live chastity or you’re waiting to move in with your significant other until after you’re married, you could very well feel like you’re from a different planet when you live against what the world says is normal.
“As Christians we are called to live differently – counterculturally – from what the word says is acceptable, that God’s boundaries were put in place for healthy, good reasons.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.6
Fortunately, having standards not only gives you a clear head when it comes to making decisions about who you should date, but boundaries also help you weed out the boys who are only interested in short-term pleasure and focus on the men who are willing to sacrifice and are ready for true love.
“Those who value truthfulness, politeness, moral strength, and boundaries are irresistible. You can trust them, knowing that if they stood firm in the difficult moments without compromising, the possibility is much stronger that they’ll stand firm in a covenant relationship with you. And vice versa. The strongest people are those who know just how weak they are…This is nobility: to aspire to be good for yourself and others.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.93
Fall in love with God first.
In my last post, I talked about the definition of true love:
“Love isn’t merely a feeling; it is a desire to seek the good of the one you love…If God is the greatest good, love in its most final and perfect form is wanting yourself and others to be as close to God as possible.”
How can we be as close to God as possible? The first step is turning away from sin which separates us from God.
It’s never too late to turn your life around or decide to live your life for Jesus. The beautiful part about God’s grace is that he’s always waiting for you to come back with open arms.
“God can clean up your past and make you pure again. Purity really isn’t just a one-time cleansing and then you’re done; it is ongoing. And thankfully, God offers us a better way to live and relate to others- and with that comes a clear conscience and, ultimately, peace.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.7
The sense of freedom and peace you get when you decide to turn your life over to God is
“As you begin to pursue living the old fashioned way, it’s important to understand that God is on your side, he is for you, and he wants to see you grow and live in deep and abundant joy. But more important than you finding a mate, God is concerned about your relationship with him and growing you into the person he has created you to be. When you accept and pursue that spiritual relationship, then you’ll find yourself more satisfied with your life and circumstances in general and less in need of someone else to be responsible for who you are and what you need. And you’ll be ready and better able to love someone romantically, if and when that time comes.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.21
Be courageous. Stand up for purity.
When we get back to old-fashioned ways of dating, by being chaste and having self-control and not living by our feelings, we actually love people in a more pure and selfless way. We’re more interested in their heart and their character and not in what they can do for us or how they make us feel.
Old-fashioned values bring virtue and sacrifice back to the dating scene which is the foundation
Celebrities who have chosen abstinence prior to marriage get mocked for their beliefs and in some cases are highlighted as some kind of freak show. It’s about time we highlight couples who are choosing to do things God’s way like Tim Tebow who recently got engaged to former Miss Universe, Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters. Where are all the people who were mocking him for his beliefs now?
“We have to fight for what is good and pure. I mean, really, how do you make abstinence or restraint of passion sexy? Or chastity- how do you make that sound sultry and seductive? How do you compete with the overwhelming avalanche of media that encourage unbridled erotic pursuits and pass those off as love?
Swimming against the stream is exhausting sometimes. Although purity is still at least somewhat valued among women (though not as much as in the past), too often if a man tries to live purely and keep his passions his check, he may actually have his sexuality questioned.
The old fashioned way is in some respects a counterintuitive way. There is a kind of love that is indeed almost otherworldly and that can be pursued and achieved no matter your starting place (whether you have never dated or you’ve been divorced multiple times). That’s the beautiful part of the process: it may have boundaries, but within those boundaries permeates a powerful grace to help us overcome our mistakes and to strengthen us to continue in our desire not to settle for something less. And then change is truly possible.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.26
Going against the cultural norms in dating will bring about ridicule from society and even from your own family members and friends, but ultimately doing things God’s way is going to preserve your heart and that is more important than anything.
Respect yourself.
Remaining single in a world that idolizes relationships shows that you are willing to wait for what you deserve. Having high standards and sticking to them takes bravery and a great amount of self-respect.
Once you’ve done the hard work of turning your life over to Christ and are striving to live against the cultural mainstream, you’re on the path to holiness. At this point, living the old fashioned way has formed you into someone who knows their worth in Christ and isn’t settling for anything or anyone who doesn’t bring them closer to God or challenges them to be their best selves.
“When we don’t have a healthy understanding of who we are in Christ- valuable, worthy, loved children of God- then we may struggle with respecting ourselves and confidently requiring that others respect us. We deserve to be treated with respect and honor- because we are made in God’s
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.38image, because before we were even born, he knew us (see Jeremiah 1:5). He has our name tattooed on the palm of his hand (see Isaiah 49:16).”
Train for marriage when you’re single.
When you get married, you don’t magically become the world’s best spouse. Training for marriage starts long before you actually say your wedding vows.
Just like any athlete trains for long hours to succeed in their particular sport, training for a lifelong commitment of marriage starts with the habits you build when you’re single.
“Ask any athlete about the power of forming habits. If you don’t practice hard, you won’t play hard. You won’t have the stamina to finish the game successfully. The same is true for relationships. We develop habits as single people that we take into marriage.
Discipline is difficult for a time; it asks us to sacrifice our natural, selfish will to something greater and holier. Diligently pursuing positive habits changes the way we relate to ourselves and others, and these positive habits ultimately glorify God.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.132
Keep your eyes fixed on heaven.
Following old-fashioned values in your dating life will keep you on the straight and narrow path that ultimately leads to a life of holiness and virtue.
Having heaven as our end goal will make it much easier to choose a mate. Ideally, our spouse should share the same purpose and help us get to heaven.
“Obviously the most important goal to pursue is growing deeper in our faith. God wants us to pursue him with our life and our calling. The writer of Hebrews reminds us, “Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith” (Hebrews 12:1-2)
Our faith needs to be the top priority, with everything else being viewed and considered through that lens. That means everything we do, say, and even think needs to stand against what our faith would have us do, say, and think.
Decide what you want and who you want to be, and let that guide how you live your life.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.180
“People watch our lives. And as we consistently live out the truth of what we believe to be good for us, others are offered the opportunity to test it for themselves.”
The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance p.190
I hope that these reflections on old-fashioned values have inspired you to date differently and have empowered you to demand more from your relationships than what the world is currently offering.
Here’s a prayer that you can start each day with so that you can surrender everything to God and fully trust in his plan for your life:
“God, I’m offering my life, my thoughts, my actions, my everything to you today and asking that, through the Holy Spirit’s help, because of Jesus’ sacrifice for me, you would shape me into your likeness. Give me the will and the strength to be obedient every moment of this day.”
xoxo,
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Hi there! I’m Maria and the creator of this blog. I’m a Fitness Instructor, Multimedia Producer, and Travel Photographer focused on helping women get in shape physically through fun and effective workouts and spiritually through faith-based reflections. Let’s get Fit4Paradise together!